Idols

“We exist to worship. It is built into the heart of man to seek something, to bow to something. We are created to serve and follow. We are created to pay homage. And we will share the destiny of what we worship.”

“Their idols are silver and gold,
    the work of human hands.
They have mouths, but do not speak;
    eyes, but do not see.
They have ears, but do not hear;
    noses, but do not smell.
They have hands, but do not feel;
    feet, but do not walk;
    and they do not make a sound in their throat.
Those who make them become like them;
    so do all who trust in them.” (Psalm 115: 4-8 ESV)

I want to be transparent today. This blog will be longer than usual, but hang with me until the end. What I am going to share won’t be popular. It may be counter to culture. Some of my words may be called radical. But here is the truth: we are losing the battle for our children. I see it daily.

I have been teaching high school English for fifteen years. I worked in student ministry for eighteen years. One of the reasons I am so passionate about discipling my young children is because of what I have seen in the lives of the teenagers I teach. I remember vividly when I realized my naivete. I sat in an assembly at school where a man was speaking on his previous drug addiction. He asked a very blunt question: “How many of you have tried drugs?” I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. I would say at least 90% of the student body raised their hands. Kids I would have never imagined raised their hands. My heart sank. My eyes opened.

We exist to worship. It is built into the heart of man to seek something, to bow to something. We are created to serve and follow. We are created to pay homage. And we will share the destiny of what we worship. We are showing our children how/what to worship. Whatever sits enthroned in our own hearts directly impacts them. In our society, “self” is the prominent idol. This concept is so important for what I am going to share today. Our kids are bowing to something, and they are becoming like what they worship.

I wish you could hear what I hear.

I wish you could see what I see.

The girls utterly enslaved to their phones, wearing them like shackles. Slaves to filters. To social media. To molding themselves into what garners attention. To comparison. To drugs. To alcohol. To anxiety and depression. To hiding relationships from you. To sex. To identity crisis. To body image issues and insecurity.

The boys held captive by appearance. By appearing strong. By appearing numb and uncaring (when truly, they care so much). By fitting into a mold. By playing the “right” sports. By having sex to prove their “manliness.” By drugs and alcohol. By literally crumbling under the pressure of fitting in or pleasing their parents. By hiding mental illness. By porn.

I have watched as the light literally left some of their eyes. They are bowing, kneeling before the gods of this culture, but most of them don’t even realize it. And most of their parents have no idea because they are so good at hiding it. Most of their parents believe their kids are ok. If I am honest, teaching and working with teenagers has given me anxiety in parenting my own young kids. I worry about what could enslave them in the future. I want to put them in a bubble to protect them from it all. How do we get here? How do our toddlers become enslaved to addiction as teenagers? How do our little girls who once wore tiaras and princess dresses become shackled to the opinions of others?

I want to share a few things my students have shared with me. Keep in mind- this is in a secular setting, not in the church. We have great conversations in my classroom, and surprisingly, my kids were willing to be honest with me when I asked them why we are losing them. I am honored they’ll open up. In their words, this is why:

1.     They are allowed to act older too quickly; their parents try to be their friends.

2.     Their parents are clueless about what is out there- truly clueless.

3.     Phones. I can’t stress this one enough. It is their #1 response.

In ministry, my husband and I saw the following situation play out over and over: There is a good family. They are mostly at church on Sundays/Wednesdays, and the kids love it. But as they get older, the kids get involved in countless activities (and these sports, etc. aren’t the enemy btw). They begin to shift priorities. They are rarely present at church because they are busy/tired. And discipleship isn’t happening at home. These activities become their identity. Many of them become wrapped up in a lot of the things I have already mentioned. They bow to these things as idols. They are slaves to them. And at some point, the parents come to us broken. They can’t understand what has happened to their child. They don’t know where they went wrong.

It is heartbreaking. These are well-meaning parents who deeply love their children.

In Psalm 115, the writer enforces that we become what we worship. If you examine verses 4-7, the writer explains that these fabricated idols aren’t living. They are dead. What we worship will either bring us life, or it will lead us to death. As parents, what we bow to, what we allow to take priority, and what we allow to be important rubs off on them. Look at verse 8. What happens to those who worship these lifeless idols? They become just like them- lifeless, too. I don’t think any parent sets out to let this happen. We love our kids! It happens over time- slowly and without our notice. Satan takes a foothold, and he slowly makes us unaware. But I want to point my kids toward life. I want their lives to mean something for the Kingdom! I don’t want them to share the destiny of idols.

What can we do to reverse this trend? How can we help our kids battle what lies ahead?

1.     Let them stay children.

It is ok for you to make decisions for them. We are entrusted by God to do this! They simply aren’t ready to make adult decisions when they are 13 or 16. Yes, they need independence to begin putting into practice what you’ve taught them, but they are not ready to have the freedom most of them are given. The trap of being their friend is one I believe Satan uses most. It is ok for them to get angry at you. It is ok if they don’t like you for a season, or if they hate your rules because they aren’t like everyone else’s rules. It is ok to say “no” to things to which everyone else says “yes.” One day they’ll be grateful that you parented them more than you befriended them.

 2. Be educated about what is out there.

I am telling you bluntly- what they are exposed to in school and at their friends’ houses will shock you. Know their friends. Have boundaries. Ask questions. Know their friends’ parents. Do research.

3.     Wait on phones.

I could say so much about this (and I plan to later). Want to know what my 11th grade students told me this year? They wish their parents had held off on giving them phones. Read that again. Most of them had phones by 5th or 6th grade. Want to know why they wish this? It opened up a world they weren’t ready to handle. Again, this is in their words. Social media- TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat- can be good if used wisely (btw, Facebook is for old people!). But in the hands of our children, it is mostly a tool of Satan. I say this wholeheartedly based on what my students have shared. Hold off on giving them a phone. And when you do, there needs to be serious boundaries in place to protect them. Take them away at night. I am serious. More of our sons and daughters are forming serious addictions to porn and making connections with people that they never need to make over their phones. They are watching videos you would never imagine your child would watch. They are installing apps to hide content from you. And it is because so many of them don’t have the wisdom or restraint yet to understand the consequences. It isn’t too late to reverse this, but it starts when they are young. If our young children see our phones glued to our hands, they’ll assume this is the norm. If it is an idol for us, it will likely be one for them.

Here is the bottom line: our children need us to guide them. They need us to show them a different way, one that deviates from the well-worn path. Many of the idols our children are bound to are the ones we place in front of them. They need to see our lives bowed down to the Father rather than this world. They are worshiping something. And they’ll share the destiny of these idols.

***Disclaimer: This isn’t exhaustive. I could spend more time on each point and more. Look for more content on these things down the road.