Devoted

“We can’t quit seeking Him simply because the desire fades or He appears distant. If we will continue to be disciplined, the desire returns. And the reward is knowing Him.”

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.  So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ESV)

What does it mean to be devoted? Devotion is a deep loyalty or an act of giving (effort or time) to something (Merriam-Webster). Devotion is rooted more in choice than in emotion. Even Christ, though he loved us with a love we can’t fathom, lowered Himself out of devotion to the Father. He chose us. His love is a devoted love. It is loyal. Sacrificial.

Where is your devotion?

I have never enjoyed running. In fact, I have mostly hated it. I don’t understand people who go out for long runs and come back refreshed- you know, the real runners. It’s always easy to spot a real runner, too. They talk about it, they post pictures of their latest races, they wear the gear. We don’t have to question if they love it; we don’t have to question their devotion because their actions reflect it. I went through a very short spurt when I started to enjoy running because I was doing it more often. I ran in my neighborhood and did a couple of 5K’s. It finally started to get easier. But over time, I stopped running as often and it got harder again. And the desire to ever improve faded. It was just so much easier not to run.

Let’s be honest here- I have felt this way about being disciplined in my spiritual life, too. Isn’t it so much easier to not be disciplined? To not pray? To not make time to spend in God’s Word? To not stay connected in a local church? To be spiritually apathetic? Yes, it is easier.

Another honest confession- sometimes the desire to do these things is missing. And that is when it must be a discipline stemming from devotion. Remaining close to the Lord is sometimes more of a discipline rather than a desire. In the very early stages, it may start off as a strong desire. When I first came to know Jesus as an eighth-grade girl, it was very emotional, as it is with a lot of people. There was an element of excitement; everything in scripture was new to me, and I hungered for it. But over time, the emotional high wears off. The “new” fades. And if there isn’t a discipline in place, our walk with the Lord suffers.

Desire may fade, but it can return as the result of continued discipline in its absence.

One of my favorite memories from my time as a student in student ministry was attending retreats. The one that impacted my life the most was themed “How to be a Godly Man/Woman.” One of my mentors, Aimee McIlvene, came to lead our girls’ small group. I mistakenly assumed that she always felt like reading her bible, always felt like being at church, always felt like praying. But that weekend, she admitted that the “want to” wasn’t always there. In fact, there were many days that she struggled. She said something that has stuck with me for over 20 years. Here was her advice: “No matter what, keep doing those things, even when you don’t always feel like it. And pray honestly to the Lord. He can handle it. When the desire is missing, be honest and pray these words: ‘Please help me want to want You. Help me want to want Your Word. Help me want to want Your daily presence.’” I was stunned. It was the first time I had heard someone admit that they didn’t always feel like it.

I bet the real runners out there don’t always feel like running. I bet there are days when their bodies ache and they want to skip out. I imagine there are mornings they dread waking up to run long miles in the dark, over rocky ground or in the rain. But many of them push through anyway. The devoted ones overcome the desire to quit. They push through the pain, knowing it is temporary and that it doesn’t compare to the satisfaction of completion.

God knows we are dust. He knows how we are formed (Psalm 103:14). He knows we are finite in our understanding. He knows our weaknesses. Praise Him, He has compassion on us! But if walking with Him is a relationship, we must remain near Him. In our earthly relationships, we can’t just check out. We have to continue spending time together and communicating with one another, even on our worst days. If we don’t, our relationships suffer. In our relationship with the Lord, we can’t quit when we ache. When we are tired. When we are hurt. When we are busy. We can’t quit seeking Him simply because the desire fades or He appears distant. If we will continue to be disciplined, the desire returns. And the reward is knowing Him. This is the laying down of our lives that Jesus speaks of in the Gospels (Luke 9:23). It’s losing our lives in order to find life that lasts.

If you are struggling with the desire today, please know that I have walked there too. You aren’t alone in feeling apathetic. But get up! Do the things that draw you close to the Lord. Regarding physical health, I read this phrase on instagram: “Choose your hard.” Either get up, be active, and eat healthy no matter how hard it feels, or suffer difficult health conditions later in life. Spiritually, we must also choose. We can make time to stay close and remain in His Word even when we don’t feel like it, even when we turn the pages of our bibles and don’t feel anything. Or we will battle the difficulty of distance from the Father. We sometimes must choose discipline. And it makes all the difference.

“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.”

A.W. Tozer- The Pursuit of God