A Different Peace

“There is that longing within all our hearts, a longing for another home. It is built within us. May we be a people that points others there. May we be a people full of hope and peace here while we wait.”

I came home today full of rage, my emotions at war within me. I came home to my babies, and all I could think about was the mother, the father, the grandmother and grandfather, the sibling who didn’t come home to theirs. I lay down on the couch, holding both of my children tightly, smelling their hair. Squeezing their hands. The innocent children murdered yesterday were mostly in fourth grade, just two years older than my son. Five years older than my daughter. The thought of only having my children for that much longer overwhelmed me. The thought of never hearing their voices call my name again overtook me. And the tears flowed down. I couldn’t contain them, no matter how hard I tried. And then I was forced to explain my tears, unleashing a brand-new world of evil into my children’s ears.

“Why, mama? Why did the bad man come? Will he come here?” And I was filled with rage as I carefully answered these questions, watching a fearful understanding enter the eyes of my 8-year-old and my 5-year-old. I handled it the best way I knew how, but really, is there a good way to explain such evil? Can I really shelter them from it?

This horrific tragedy in Uvalde has shaken me to the core. It’s absolutely heart-wrenching. As the news of what occurred continues to flow, my worry and anxiety is peaking. Although I was physically at work today, my mind was elsewhere, calculating how in the world I could swing homeschooling. How I could better protect my children. I was operating under an internal panic mode.

I am an English teacher, and today we had the rare opportunity to go off-campus for lunch. We went to our favorite place, a local Latin Foods restaurant. Of course, the news was playing on a large tv screen mounted in front of me. I felt glued to it, and as we walked to pay for our tickets, we began to talk about the situation. The tears welled up in my eyes right there in the middle of the restaurant. In that moment, I will be honest- I was full of hopelessness. Anxiety. Panic. Anger. All swelling to the surface.

Then God met me there. As I reached down to fill out my receipt, I glanced over at the business card holder on the counter. Someone left a card on top of the stack with this verse: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27). In context, Jesus speaks these words to his disciples as he promises to leave them the Holy Spirit after His crucifixion and ascension to heaven. He promises them peace- not a worldly peace. One entirely different.

I tend to automatically allow my heart to trend toward fear in situations like this terrible one unfolding before us. All the “what if’s” swirl in my head, and I allow Satan to have a foothold in my mind. But aren’t we as believers supposed to be a people of hope in times of trouble? Aren’t we supposed to take heart because Jesus has overcome the world and evil and death (John 16:33).

I have seen so many opinions on social media today, so many people pushing an agenda from one side or the other. But maybe today, and tomorrow, and the next day, we as believers should focus on expressing our hope in Christ. Maybe we should offer prayers instead of our opinions. I easily allow my heart to sink into despair, but today God reminded me of who He is and who I am called to be. We are not without hope.

My daughter asked me this question today: “Can the bad man get us in Heaven?”

“No, baby. There is complete safety there. No tears, no pain. Only God and light and joy.”

“Mama, I want to go there.”

Oh my. Me too. Me too.

There is that longing within all our hearts, a longing for another home. It is built within us. May we be a people that points others there. May we be a people full of hope and peace here while we wait.