Resenting Manna
“How many times have I resented what God gave me and failed to see it as provision? That delay. That “unanswered prayer.” Those years of waiting for something my heart desperately longed for. That journey I didn’t want. Instead, my heart turned to what I wanted. And it’s hard to say “Thanks” when we’re so focused on what we want rather than what God has already given us.”
“The Israelites said to them, ‘If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt, when we sat by pots of meat and ate all the bread we wanted. Instead, you brought us into this wilderness to make this whole assembly die of hunger!’” (Exodus 16:3 CSB)
Sometimes what I want isn’t what I need. Can you identify with that? Sometimes I want to binge on queso and ice cream all day (okay, lots of times I want this!), but this isn’t what’s best for me. If I’m honest, there are things I want God to do for me, but for whatever reason, He hasn’t. There are things I have wanted so badly in the past.
Sometimes we want what would kill us in the long run.
Not long after the Israelites leave Egypt and all that it entailed—the slavery, the whips, the cruelty—they actually longed to return. We’ve talked about this before. Right on the brink of the Red Sea, they scolded Moses for leading them out; they proclaimed it would’ve been better to remain in servitude to the Pharoah and die in Egypt. But then the sea parted. Then they tasted freedom.
If this was a story with perfect people, then we may read something like this: “Once the Israelites were free, they always trusted the Lord. He provided for their needs, and they served Him with grateful hearts for the rest of their days.”
Instead, their story sounds a lot like mine: “…and as soon as they crossed the Sea, they began to gripe that there was no food…”
Gracious. It’s me.
Now, they really did gripe about food and water being scarce. But God already had provision in motion. He would send manna from heaven which would sustain them for forty years in the wilderness! All they had to do was gather enough for each day, and God would always provide what they needed. But their reaction to this manna over time? You probably guessed it: they complained about what the Lord gave. They got sick of it.
Here's why, and maybe this is how we are so much like them: they craved other things. The provision from God wasn’t what they wanted even though it was what they needed. They craved the food of Egypt more than the food God freely gave them. They even resented it saying, “…our appetite is gone; there’s nothing to look at but this manna!” (Numbers 11:6 CSB). They wanted to return to a place that in the long run would kill them—Egypt. The wilderness didn’t feel like provision, but it was.
How many times have I resented what God gave me and failed to see it as provision? That delay. That “unanswered prayer.” Those years of waiting for something my heart desperately longed for. That journey I didn’t want. Instead, my heart turned to what I wanted. And it’s hard to say “Thanks” when we’re so focused on what we want rather than what God has already given us. What is it for you? What do you crave more than what God has already given you? Maybe it’s a job you really wanted. A husband or a wife. A child. What do you believe will satisfy you, yet the Lord has stalled in giving it?
We are so much like the Israelites who longed to return to Egypt. We stare God’s provision in the face and wish to return to what we thought filled us in the past. But it never did. And that past—before we trusted Jesus—would kill us in the long run too. It was slavery to sin and death.
In our hunger and thirst, we start to seek other things above seeking the Lord. We search for comfort and belonging and security in things that will fail us. And maybe it stems from a fear that the Lord won’t give us what we need.
But listen. Here’s what I find so beautiful: over and over throughout the Old Testament, God reminds His people of who He is. He tells them repeatedly, “Remember, when I brought you out of Egypt. Remember when I saved you from oppression. Remember when I freed you. Remember when I parted the Red Sea for you and ransomed you. Remember how I led you in the wilderness and gave you a good land to inhabit.”
And I hear God whisper this to me when I find myself wanting, craving: “Remember Christ. Remember how much I love you and want to give you good things. Remember I gave my Son in order to redeem you. Remember I’ve provided for your deepest need already.”
So rather than looking at what I desperately want, I am going to remember what God has already done. I am going to dwell on the provision in front of me, even when it doesn’t feel like provision. And in those moments that feel like hunger and thirst, I will choose to see the good things God gives. Because His provision is better than anything else I could desire.