Something Better
“That longing in your heart– it’s a reminder of what you are truly made to do. It is a reminder of Who made you. It is a reminder of your real home. And nothing else will ever satisfy it.”
“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…” (Philippians 3:7-8a ESV).
I sat on my bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face. I had a four-month-old baby boy happily swinging in his swing set in the living room. I’ll never forget the way he would smile and coo at the bee mobile that hung overhead. My loving, attentive husband was watching over him so that I could have a few moments to myself. We had just returned from the hospital, and I was shaken. I had some routine bloodwork drawn the day before, and in the middle of teaching class, I received a call from a nurse who was panicked by what she saw in the results. Scary possibilities were mentioned, and we were immediately prompted to drive to the ER. I left work completely overwhelmed by fear. I have a four-month-old. What if…what if…what if?
After more testing, the doctor concluded that it was a very bad blood draw. My new labs looked nothing like the labs done the day before. I had low iron and low potassium, but all of those what-ifs dissipated. I cried tears of relief. But it was a wake-up call emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.
Prior to this incident, I may have been on the verge of depression. Maybe it was post-partum, which is so very real. Maybe it was just exhaustion from being a brand-new mama. Maybe it was anemia. But it was dark. I was sinking under the weight of ingratitude. Despite being blessed with the sweetest baby and a Godly, compassionate husband, I somehow felt lifeless on the inside. There was a dissatisfaction brewing in my heart, and I couldn’t figure out why it had made a home there. How could I want anything better when I had so much to be grateful for? The joy was missing, and the guilt was overwhelming.
Maybe you’ve struggled with these feelings or this same guilt, and I hope you’ll take some encouragement from this. Looking back on that night as I sat in my bathroom sobbing out a prayer of repentance and gratitude, I realized something: no matter how blessed my life was, no matter how healthy I was, I was lacking something better. These things weren’t enough. They could never be enough because I wasn’t created for them. I had allowed substitutes in place of a deeper relationship with the Lord. He wasn’t my priority. My time wasn’t devoted to Him. I wasn’t in the Word. I was in survival mode, and everything centered around that. I was spiritually starving. And the dissatisfaction deep inside was really a spiritual longing. It dwells within each of us– inside of me and inside of you. What we mistake as a desire for something more to satisfy us is really a longing for our Creator. And this ache began in the Garden of Eden (more on that next week).
In the Garden of Eden there was perfect unity with the Lord. Provision. Peace.
But there was the allure of something more– the enticement that something might be better than what the Lord had provided. There Satan introduced doubt concerning the Lord’s words. We see Adam and Eve reach outside of the parameters of God’s provision. We feel their Fall because it is ours as well. And it is there in Eden that the searching began for a “better” way. The striving. The wrestling.
But it only led to the wilderness.
Wandering is the story of God’s people. And it’s still our story. We’ve been searching for a “better” way since our fall, straying from the very best God wants for us, and it never leads anywhere but wilderness.
But what if there is something better? What if God still has something more for us here? That longing in your heart– it’s a reminder of what you are truly made to do. It is a reminder of Who made you. It is a reminder of your real home. And nothing else will ever satisfy it. Our kids, our jobs, our spouses, our money. These blessings can never be enough, and they’re all “loss” compared to knowing Him. If you are a child of God, then His spirit living inside of you is continually reaching for home. We are only sojourners here.
I sometimes forget this isn’t my home. I forget we are only here for a moment and that my soul is longing for another country (Hebrews 11:16). Some days my priority isn’t investing in my relationship with Jesus. Instead, it shifts to my family, my job, my responsibilities, myself. Within my heart I sense a longing for something deeper. I know you have felt it, too. And here’s the good news: there is more.
I am excited to look at this concept over the next several weeks as we follow the exodus of God’s people. We’ll discover ourselves in their captivity, in their wanderings, in their seeking. And we’ll see that better came in the form of God Himself, bowing low to live among us. The only One who can satisfy our souls.
Maybe you find yourself asking, “Is this really it? Is this really the spiritual abundance Jesus promised? Am I supposed to feel unsatisfied?” God has something more for you than what you’ve been content to settle for– more for you than the things that cause you to wander. I really believe it. This ache swelling inside of you can point you to something better- to Someone better. I hope you’ll join me here next week!
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” – from C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity