Lessons in Letting Go: Life Update

“It is ok to mourn a closing chapter, and it doesn’t diminish what is yet to be written.”

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV)

Full disclosure: I have always been awful with change. It gives me a stomachache. And when I love something, I want it to last forever. Letting go doesn’t come easy for me, even when what I may embrace soon after is wonderful.

Today I handed in the keys to my 2nd home. A home I have loved for almost 16 years. A home I know like the back of my hand- every sound, every hidden nook. A home with a family who has cheered with me during all of life’s best moments, a family who literally held me in my grief.

For those of you who don’t know, I handed in the keys to my classroom today. I always thought if I left teaching it would be for negative reasons. I worried that the pressure of the state would become too much. I worried that the mandated curriculum, which stole so much of my joy, would be enough to push me out. I worried I would just finally have enough, and I would leave feeling bitter and resentful. But none of this is true. I left with heartache.

Instead, I am leaving because God has given me an incredible chance to write for Lifeway Christian Resources. I still can’t understand why God is allowing me to do this! I really can’t. I am humble and so very grateful. It is abundantly clear He wants me to walk in this direction. And if I am honest, the Lord has been drawing my heart here for a few years, even when I didn’t realize it. I can’t explain all the ways He orchestrated this moment but know this: this amazing opportunity stems from what I thought was one of my biggest mistakes. From something I mourned. Somehow God took what I deemed as failure and fashioned it into my greatest dream. This job is a dream I have held onto for 13 years. And I can’t help but feel only gratitude.

Maybe you aren’t letting go of a job you love. Maybe you are letting go of a relationship. Maybe it is your physical home. Maybe it is a dream you’ve held for so long. I want to share with you some things I have learned this week.

1.     Letting go can be simultaneously gut-wrenching AND wonderful.

Today stung. I walked out of my classroom and handed in my key with tears in my eyes. I used to always think if something was hard or sad then maybe it wasn’t right. But sometimes even the best changes come with sadness and grief. I have realized that somehow, they can coexist. It is ok to mourn a closing chapter, and it doesn’t diminish what is yet to be written. In fact, how blessed am I that it does hurt! I used to let the pain stop me and hold me back, and that is difficult to admit. I allowed it to keep me from being obedient at times, and I know I missed opportunities God gave me. But this time, glory to God, He walked me through it. Even in the midst of letting go, I feel incredible peace. Peace that surpasses my own understanding. Peace that goes against my nature.

2.     Not letting go can be detrimental.

I knew it was time. Not because I was unhappy (in fact, I wasn’t at all), but because I had been seeking the Lord about this move. I didn’t always do that in the past. Instead, I depended on logic and my own planning. This time was different. After spending time in God’s Word and in prayer, I knew He wanted me to release the very thing I told myself I never could release. I also knew if I didn’t, I would be disobeying Him. I didn’t want to face the heartache of disobedience. Been there. Done that. I could have chosen to stay where I was; it was much more comfortable and safe. But choosing safety and comfort could be robbing me, robbing you, of so much more than we realize.

Maybe you are facing something you told yourself you could never do, something you told yourself you could never release. Maybe the pain of walking away feels like too much. Seek the Lord. Ask for confirmation. Get in the Word. And I promise you, He will guide you to a decision. If that answer comes in the form of letting go, trust Him. Release your grip, lay it at His feet, and “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7 ESV).

I can’t wait to share more with you guys in the days to come!